OK Material, but a little Offputting

This book addresses people pleasing tendencies, and the issues people pleasers face in both the short and long term. It also offers several theories about the origin of people pleasing, offers suggestions for setting boundaries, and explores how to prevent people pleasing from taking over your life.
Some of the theories and suggestions offered seem very valid, and would be useful for anyone that has difficulty saying no to others or setting boundaries. However, I felt the way the information was presented demeans those that struggle with people pleasing at times. The author implies that all people pleasers are actually manipulators that have zero social skills, and paints them in an extremely negative light (especially in the first few chapters).
In later chapters, the suggested actions are actually manipulative behaviors posed as productive suggestions. For example, saying yes to a request when you really want to say no, but only doing a fraction of what is asked of you. Or requiring someone to send you an outline of their request before answering their plea for assistance, with the hope that they won't follow through with your request for an outline and thus not requiring an answer at all.
Overall this book is a mix of helpful and unhelpful tips, but I didn't appreciate the way the author seemed to talk down about people pleasers and their actions. I feel there are probably more helpful books that could offer the same information in a more positive light.

16 people found this helpful

Must read

This book gave me more applicable help than years of counseling did. Read this book, skip the counselor, and save all that $.

3 people found this helpful

Excellent Bibliotherapy! A must go-thru for people that are too nice

I like how this goes through the reasons why people become people pleasers and pushovers- it boils down to a survival mechanism to compensate for a lack of confidence, self-worth, self-perception of not-enough strength, and not an abundance mentality. It gives better ways to say “no,” and being direct rather than saying “they can’t.” I’m at the end of a deployment in Iraq, and I feel I was a people pleaser here because I didn’t have confidence in my job, and I compensated by being sweet and a ‘yes-man.’ This is ideal for me to go though now.

It also talked about being too much of the opposite of a people pleaser (it could’ve gone more in depth on this). Being the polar opposite and being too rigid is not the best thing either. A middle-ground is better.

I agree that being too much of a people pleaser is not a good thing for everyone because then you can’t fully give yourself to what is really important. I also like the stark warnings that some people won’t like when you’re sticking up for yourself (they preferred when you didn’t have boundaries). No one likes to hear “no.” This book is excellent and very important. I want my mom to go through it also .

3 people found this helpful

Too Basic

I couldn't get through the book. Not because of narrator which was pleasant but the content. You must be living in a rock or have zero social skills to find it useful.

3 people found this helpful

blah.

struggled to finish. boring. simple. not researched one bit. and the few that were not very helpful.

2 people found this helpful

I liked the summaries at the end of each chapter

The narration was pleasant.
Very helpful book if one wishes to be more balanced. one word remaining....no.

1 person found this helpful

Listen to this 10 times!

Especially if you do not think you are a people pleaser, it could very well save your life.

Incredibly insightful to my own Havits

Would you believe that I was going to give the performance of four-star, when I definitely felt like it was a three star? That’s right. Because I didn’t want the narrator to feel bad…

I tackled to myself and put down the honest review after three stars. My people pleasing habits are already starting to change…

Great Book

Wonderful insights. helpful information. It is definitely a game changer. listened to it twice.

A must read

One of the best books I have ever read. The author hit it right on the head!