Welcome to Motherhood, Bitches cover art

Welcome to Motherhood, Bitches

The Real Guide to Pregnancy, Birth and Beyond

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Welcome to Motherhood, Bitches

By: Victoria Emes
Narrated by: Victoria Emes
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About this listen

The real guide to pregnancy, birth and beyond.

I’m assuming you’ve picked up this book because you’re either curious about having kids, you’re currently up the duff, or you’re stumbling through the early days of parenthood with a mattress-sized sanitary towel between your legs wondering what the hell has just happened. That, or you’re killing time in WHSmith, waiting for your flight to Ibiza. You lucky bastard.

Either way, this book is your pregnancy, birth and postpartum BFF.

Welcome to Motherhood, Bitches is your one-stop, no-filter guide to everything from swollen vulvas and dinner-plate areolas; from shitting in labour to the horror of postpartum haemorrhoids; from mindless sleep deprivation to salvaging a sex life when your pelvic floor has hit the floor. But mainly, it’s a reassuring reminder that feeling slightly (or shockingly) out of control with a newborn baby human is entirely normal...we promise.

©2021 Victoria Emes (P)2021 HarperCollins Publishers Limited Motherhood Parenting & Families Relationships Sexual & Reproductive Health Sexual Health Pregnancy Comedy

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All stars
Most relevant  
It's not what I expected, but I'm sure others will love it. I hadn't realised it was an instruction manual on getting pregnant and giving birth. That's as far as I've got, but if that's what you're into, you'll like it.

Not for me

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honestly bloody brilliant thanks for keeping it real . . . .. . .

loved this so real!

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This concisely sums up the turmoil of parenting, and the hilarity.

More evidence based and factual than I expected but also more charming and comforting than I expected too.

Only note regarding edit is the wording in one aspect - all parts of health care are *offered* therefore can be accepted or declined.

strongly recommend for new and prospective parents

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So good and informative about what to expect when becoming a mum. I really enjoyed it and listen whilst trying to get pregnant and again once I was a few months on.

Great book

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I feel a little more prepared after listening to Victoria’s book. She reads it with a level of humour and kind honesty. I loved every terrifying detail but feel it has made me more prepared by being aware of the many things that can happen when having a baby. A lot of books focus on pregnancy and I was looking for something which went into the post birth phase. This was perfect. Would recommend to anyone considering having a baby or if you are pregnant already.

Honest, funny and kind

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Loved every second. The way the author/reader is unashamedly frank with her audience about exactly what to expect pre & post birth made this an amazing listen. I am currently 31 weeks pregnant myself & found it very relatable.

A frank & unashamed view on birth & motherhood

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It had some very interesting ideas and information laid out in an easily accessible way. Adding her own experiences was nice, as was the way she spoke about loneliness. Overall I enjoyed it, but sometimes she has a tendency to catastrophise. If I hadn’t have previously had a baby (big age gap, hence why I am reading up on it again) I would be pretty terrified by things such as breastfeeding and getting hemorrhoids. Neither of which were issues for me last time, in fact breastfeeding was a beautiful time. She made it sound as if I was a rarity, but I know plenty of mums who breastfed fine and loved it. There were some things she presented as a fact which are more her experience. So take this with a grain of salt.

Entertaining, a bit OTT

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Absolutely excellent, provides no nonsense informed information while being honest and real and utterly relatable and approachable.

Also, it’s hilarious - listened to this on a round trip from Dublin to Kerry and had to pull in from laughing while Victoria was describing her very traumatic trip to the piles doctor!

Hilariously honest

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Thoroughly enjoyed this book and learned a lot along the way. well worth a listen thank you!

Informative & hilarious

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Entertaining enough but not informative. I returned after a couple of chapters. I liked the fact the author was trying to give a more realistic account of pregnancy, birth and motherhood but without any information to supplement the narrative you don't really get any further with understanding pregnancy, birth or the early stages of motherhood. So for me it lacked a purpose and I soon lost interest.

Not for me

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