Listen free for 30 days
-
Dummy
- The Comedy and Chaos of Real-Life Parenting
- Narrated by: Matt Coyne
- Length: 5 hrs and 56 mins
- Unabridged Audiobook
- Categories: Relationships, Parenting & Personal Development, Parenting & Families
Add to basket failed.
Add to wishlist failed.
Remove from wishlist failed.
Follow podcast failed
Unfollow podcast failed
Listen with a free trial
Buy Now for £19.99
No valid payment method on file.
We are sorry. We are not allowed to sell this product with the selected payment method
Listeners also enjoyed...
-
Man vs. Toddler
- The Trials and Triumphs of Toddlerdom
- By: Matt Coyne
- Narrated by: Matt Coyne
- Length: 7 hrs and 14 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
In the follow-up to the critically acclaimed Sunday Times best seller Dummy comes Man vs. Toddler - the story of what happens when your little one is transformed from an innocent bundle of joy into a creature that walks, talks...and craps in a plastic bucket in the middle of your living room. Man vs Toddler exposes the lie that when it comes to parenting 'it gets easier'.
-
-
Brilliant
- By Amazon Customer on 10-05-19
-
The Expectant Dad's Survival Guide
- Everything You Need to Know
- By: Rob Kemp
- Narrated by: Simon Darwen
- Length: 6 hrs and 45 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
From buying buggies and cutting the cord to dealing with your wife's breastfeeding in public - the life of a first-time father will throw up new experiences every day. The Expectant Dad's Survival Guide tells you everything you need to know during your partner's pregnancy and the first few weeks of your new life as a dad. Combining expert advice from midwives, psychologists and obstetricians with first-hand accounts, it explains what's happening with her, what's going on with your baby, and what the hell you should be doing every step of the way.
-
-
Awful.
- By Amazon Customer on 09-11-19
-
How to Be a Dad
- The Ultimate Guide to Pregnancy, Birth & Dirty Nappies
- By: Oscar Duke
- Narrated by: Oscar Duke, Rae Duke
- Length: 5 hrs and 48 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
The first doctor-written guide to becoming a dad. Combines the medical knowledge of a health-care professional with real-life experience. At this crucial life moment, knowledge is power, but you probably know less than you think: what's a cervix? Can we still have sex? Why's the midwife doing that? How do I make up a bottle and is that poo normal? Dad's role is more important than you might ever have imagined, so what can you do to help?
-
-
Very informative
- By Craig Eyre on 13-06-19
-
Pregnancy for Men
- By: Mark Woods
- Narrated by: Mark Meadows
- Length: 7 hrs and 33 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
You're having a baby! Or at least your partner is which means you are too. Not literally of course, but you’ll be in the middle of nine months of flying hormones, back rubs, and excitement, anticipation and nervousness the like of which you’ve never experienced before. You’re in for the ride of your life. And you're going to be a dad. Fatherhood is just around the corner and it’s ace – but are you ready? Most pregnancy books are for the mother but this one is just for you, the new father.
-
-
Expectant Father 2020
- By Tom Daniels on 25-08-20
-
Don't Panic!
- All the Stuff the Expectant Dad Needs to Know
- By: George Lewis
- Narrated by: George Lewis, Adam Kay, Andy Parsons, and others
- Length: 7 hrs and 8 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Don't panic - dad and comedian George Lewis is here with all the seriously useful practical and emotional advice that you need to keep you (and your partner) sane! From birth to pre-school, everything you need to know is here. And even better, it's packed with useful tips, inside knowledge and hilarious real-life stories from dads who know exactly what it's like to take your first steps as a new father - this book will get you totally prepared for the biggest thing to even happen in your life!
-
-
Loved it
- By William Richardson on 02-03-22
-
Commando Dad
- How to be an Elite Dad or Carer, from Birth to Three Years
- By: Neil Sinclair
- Narrated by: Jack Oddie
- Length: 3 hrs and 19 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Attention! An indispensable training manual for new recruits to fatherhood. Written by ex-Commando and dad of three Neil Sinclair, this manual will teach you, in no-nonsense terms, how to: survive the first 24 hours; prepare and plan to prevent poor parental performance; maintain morale in the ranks; feed, clothe, transport and entertain your troops; transport the troops successfully on manoeuvres; increase your 'flash to bang' time; and 'square away' tasks along the way. And much, much more. Let training commence.
-
-
Too much Waffle
- By Anonymous User on 28-03-21
-
Man vs. Toddler
- The Trials and Triumphs of Toddlerdom
- By: Matt Coyne
- Narrated by: Matt Coyne
- Length: 7 hrs and 14 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
In the follow-up to the critically acclaimed Sunday Times best seller Dummy comes Man vs. Toddler - the story of what happens when your little one is transformed from an innocent bundle of joy into a creature that walks, talks...and craps in a plastic bucket in the middle of your living room. Man vs Toddler exposes the lie that when it comes to parenting 'it gets easier'.
-
-
Brilliant
- By Amazon Customer on 10-05-19
-
The Expectant Dad's Survival Guide
- Everything You Need to Know
- By: Rob Kemp
- Narrated by: Simon Darwen
- Length: 6 hrs and 45 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
From buying buggies and cutting the cord to dealing with your wife's breastfeeding in public - the life of a first-time father will throw up new experiences every day. The Expectant Dad's Survival Guide tells you everything you need to know during your partner's pregnancy and the first few weeks of your new life as a dad. Combining expert advice from midwives, psychologists and obstetricians with first-hand accounts, it explains what's happening with her, what's going on with your baby, and what the hell you should be doing every step of the way.
-
-
Awful.
- By Amazon Customer on 09-11-19
-
How to Be a Dad
- The Ultimate Guide to Pregnancy, Birth & Dirty Nappies
- By: Oscar Duke
- Narrated by: Oscar Duke, Rae Duke
- Length: 5 hrs and 48 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
The first doctor-written guide to becoming a dad. Combines the medical knowledge of a health-care professional with real-life experience. At this crucial life moment, knowledge is power, but you probably know less than you think: what's a cervix? Can we still have sex? Why's the midwife doing that? How do I make up a bottle and is that poo normal? Dad's role is more important than you might ever have imagined, so what can you do to help?
-
-
Very informative
- By Craig Eyre on 13-06-19
-
Pregnancy for Men
- By: Mark Woods
- Narrated by: Mark Meadows
- Length: 7 hrs and 33 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
You're having a baby! Or at least your partner is which means you are too. Not literally of course, but you’ll be in the middle of nine months of flying hormones, back rubs, and excitement, anticipation and nervousness the like of which you’ve never experienced before. You’re in for the ride of your life. And you're going to be a dad. Fatherhood is just around the corner and it’s ace – but are you ready? Most pregnancy books are for the mother but this one is just for you, the new father.
-
-
Expectant Father 2020
- By Tom Daniels on 25-08-20
-
Don't Panic!
- All the Stuff the Expectant Dad Needs to Know
- By: George Lewis
- Narrated by: George Lewis, Adam Kay, Andy Parsons, and others
- Length: 7 hrs and 8 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Don't panic - dad and comedian George Lewis is here with all the seriously useful practical and emotional advice that you need to keep you (and your partner) sane! From birth to pre-school, everything you need to know is here. And even better, it's packed with useful tips, inside knowledge and hilarious real-life stories from dads who know exactly what it's like to take your first steps as a new father - this book will get you totally prepared for the biggest thing to even happen in your life!
-
-
Loved it
- By William Richardson on 02-03-22
-
Commando Dad
- How to be an Elite Dad or Carer, from Birth to Three Years
- By: Neil Sinclair
- Narrated by: Jack Oddie
- Length: 3 hrs and 19 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Attention! An indispensable training manual for new recruits to fatherhood. Written by ex-Commando and dad of three Neil Sinclair, this manual will teach you, in no-nonsense terms, how to: survive the first 24 hours; prepare and plan to prevent poor parental performance; maintain morale in the ranks; feed, clothe, transport and entertain your troops; transport the troops successfully on manoeuvres; increase your 'flash to bang' time; and 'square away' tasks along the way. And much, much more. Let training commence.
-
-
Too much Waffle
- By Anonymous User on 28-03-21
-
Daddy Day Care
- A Book for New Dads and Curious Mums
- By: Jonathan Tindale
- Narrated by: Joe Mills
- Length: 3 hrs and 43 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Ever wondered what would happen if mom went back to work and dad stayed home with the baby? The award-winning Daddy Day Care is an outrageously funny and honest account of what happens when one dad stays at home for six months to bring up his baby daughter. Aimed at dads (and curious moms), Daddy Day Care offers a truly alternative look at the poo-soaked chaos of full-time childcare.
-
-
fun book
- By M.C. Colon on 11-03-19
-
Parenting the Sh*t out of Life
- By: Mother Pukka, Papa Pukka
- Narrated by: Anna Whitehouse, Matt Farquharson
- Length: 6 hrs and 5 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
For people who happen to be parents (or might be soon). Because for every turdy nappy you sadly deposit into a gag-reflex-inducing bin, there's a moment that's less sh*t around the corner. This is not a audiobook that will help you grow (or raise) a human successfully. But this is a book that might, if you're not too emotionally battered - and can see through the permanent eye twitch - help you laugh a little more than you cry. But that's not guaranteed.
-
-
Really not what it says on the tin
- By Paul Fisher on 10-04-18
-
The Unmumsy Mum
- By: The Unmumsy Mum
- Narrated by: Sarah Turner
- Length: 6 hrs and 16 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
This is not a parenting manual. This is real life. The Unmumsy Mum writes candidly about motherhood like it really is: the messy, maddening, hilarious reality; how there is no 'one size fits all' approach; and how it is sometimes absolutely fine to not know what you are doing. The lessons she's learnt while grappling with two small boys - from birth to teething, three a.m. night feeds to toddler tantrums, soft play to toilet training - will have you roaring with laughter and taking great comfort in the fact that it's definitely not just you....
-
-
Supposedly relatable, but just depressing.
- By Katharine on 07-04-18
-
The Life of Dad
- By: Dr Anna Machin
- Narrated by: Rose Ackroyd, Luke Thompson
- Length: 7 hrs and 24 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
In The Life of Dad, Dr Machin draws on her research and the latest findings in genetics, neuroscience and psychology to tell the story of fatherhood. She will show the extraordinary physiological changes a man undergoes when he becomes a father, investigate how a man’s genes can influence what sort of father he will be, and show how a dad makes a unique contribution to his child’s life, helping to foster independence of mind and spirit. Throughout the book, listeners will encounter the voices of real dads, expectant and established, as well as fascinating insights into fatherhood from across the globe.
-
-
A must read, whether you are dad yourself or not.
- By Andrew P Haley on 08-01-22
-
The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read (and Your Children Will Be Glad That You Did)
- By: Philippa Perry
- Narrated by: Philippa Perry
- Length: 8 hrs and 52 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Every parent wants their child to be happy and every parent wants to avoid screwing them up. But how do you achieve that? In this absorbing, clever and funny book, renowned psychotherapist Philippa Perry tells us what really matters and what behaviour it is important to avoid - the vital dos and don'ts of parenting.
-
-
Overall a great book
- By Sam on 16-04-19
-
The Modern Midwife's Guide to Pregnancy, Birth and Beyond
- By: Marie Louise
- Narrated by: Marie Louise
- Length: 12 hrs and 5 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Whether you are planning for a baby, just found out you are pregnant or well into your third trimester, this audiobook will help you to feel confident, informed and inspired about your exciting journey ahead. Through years of work with families, senior midwife Marie Louise reveals the key things that will make the biggest, most positive difference to you and your baby as you navigate these life-changing months.
-
-
Relaxing and calming for a first time over 35 mum to be.
- By Jacs on 13-02-21
-
Brain Rules for Baby (Updated and Expanded)
- How to Raise a Smart and Happy Child from Zero to Five
- By: John Medina
- Narrated by: John Medina
- Length: 9 hrs and 26 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
In Brain Rules for Baby, Dr. John Medina shares what the latest science says about how to raise smart and happy children from zero to five. This book is destined to revolutionize parenting. Just one of the surprises: The best way to get your children into the college of their choice? Teach them impulse control. Brain Rules for Baby bridges the gap between what scientists know and what parents practice.
-
-
Engaging broad coverage
- By marcher on 08-10-17
-
Welcome to Motherhood, Bitches
- The Real Guide to Pregnancy, Birth and Beyond
- By: Victoria Emes
- Narrated by: Victoria Emes
- Length: 8 hrs and 29 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
I’m assuming you’ve picked up this book because you’re either curious about having kids, you’re currently up the duff, or you’re stumbling through the early days of parenthood with a mattress-sized sanitary towel between your legs wondering what the hell has just happened. That, or you’re killing time in WHSmith, waiting for your flight to Ibiza. You lucky bastard.
-
-
Not for me
- By Amy on 12-05-22
-
Before & Laughter
- By: Jimmy Carr
- Narrated by: Jimmy Carr
- Length: 6 hrs and 45 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Written to take advantage of the brief window between the end of lockdown and Jimmy getting cancelled for saying something unforgivable to Lorraine Kelly, this book is as timely as it is unnecessary. Because you might be interested in Jimmy's life but he's damn sure you're a lot more interested in your own, Before & Laughter is about both of you. But mainly him.
-
-
borrows quotes, No original ideas of his own
- By mr c j skirving on 05-10-21
-
Twas the Nightshift Before Christmas
- By: Adam Kay
- Narrated by: Adam Kay
- Length: 2 hrs and 20 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Christmas is coming, the goose is getting fat...but 1.4 million NHS staff are heading off to work. In this perfect present for anyone who has ever set foot in a hospital, Adam Kay delves back into his diaries for a hilarious, horrifying and sometimes heartbreaking peek behind the blue curtain at Christmastime. Twas the Nightshift Before Christmas is a love letter to all those who spend their festive season on the front line, removing babies and baubles from the various places they get stuck, at the most wonderful time of the year.
-
-
Bloody loved it!
- By Gemma on 17-10-19
-
Stepping Up
- By: Sarah Turner
- Narrated by: Jaye Jacobs
- Length: 9 hrs and 39 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Beth has never stuck at anything. She's quit more jobs and relationships than she can remember, and she still sleeps in her childhood bedroom. It's not that she hasn't tried to grow up, it's just that so far, the only commitment she's held down is Friday drinks at the village pub. Then, in the space of a morning, her world changes.
-
-
Excellent
- By Anonymous User on 24-03-22
-
The Danish Way of Parenting
- What the Happiest People in the World Know About Raising Confident, Capable Kids
- By: Jessica Joelle Alexander, Iben Dissing Sandahl
- Narrated by: Kim Mai Guest
- Length: 3 hrs and 28 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Discover the parenting secrets of the happiest people in the world. What makes Denmark the happiest country in the world - and how do Danish parents raise happy, confident, successful kids year after year? This upbeat and practical guide reveals the six essential principles that have been working for parents in Denmark for decades. A revealing and fresh take on parenting advice, The Danish Way of Parenting will help parents from all walks of life raise the happiest, most well-adjusted kids.
-
-
Happier families
- By Edith on 25-06-18
Summary
The Sunday Times Top Ten Best-Seller
'The night before Charlie was born, I had this dream. I dreamt that I was a soldier riding into battle, completely naked, and on the back of a large, inflatable duck.'
Matt Coyne has become a hero for thousands of parents everywhere who are devoted followers of his popular blog, Man vs Baby.
This is his book, and it is not your average parenting guide. It's packed with completely impractical advice for the bewildered new mum or dad - stuff you won't find anywhere else: from Profanity Bingo for labour to a categorisation of various nappy disasters. But, more than that, it is the story of how becoming a parent is a kind of beautiful insanity - a thing that changes you.
Above all, Dummy will keep you laughing through the exhaustion, the mystery and the madness of bringing up your own children. This is the parenting book for real people.
Critic reviews
More from the same
Author
Narrator
What listeners say about Dummy
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
- Jay Croft
- 30-05-17
Insomniacs beware - this book is definitely faulty
I use Audible because I have a sleep problem - I frequently wake in the early hours and find it hard to fall asleep again. The most effective thing to lull me back to sleep is TV but that turns my usually docile partner into a thing of abject misery, so I don't do it. Instead, Audible and headphones keep me company until I drift back to sleep.
Usually I don't mind the fact that I listen to books in sporadic and sleep-imbued chunks, because the upside is that I do get back to sleep. But this book didn't cut it. Instead, it kept me awake and laughing out loud - thereby waking the sleeping grump monster, who was very close to hiding my headphones in the end.
I actually didn't want to go to sleep, either, because I yearned to hear more of the author's musical Yorkshire gruff and colourful use of the full spectrum of insultative profanity. Both added something beautiful to the tales of teething, nappies, and parenting worries, and left me wanting more. How could I sleep, when I was so fabulously entertained?
I finished the book with bags under my eyes, the aching emptiness of sleep deprivation, and a hint of divorce from the grump monster. So be warned, fellow insomniacs. This book is not for sleeping. It is most definitely faulty.
5 people found this helpful
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
- MR DAVID N TURNER
- 03-10-20
Slash your wrists
Maybe my wife & I chose the wrong time to listen to this audiobook (while we were experiencing the first few weeks of our newborn child) however after reading a Facebook post from the author and laughing about what we had also experienced we thought.. let’s give it a go.
The first chapter was amusing, we laughed together and together made all the right noises, agreeing with the yarn being spun.
Unfortunately, like receiving a gas bill on the steps of the guillotine, the rest of the audiobook turned, very quickly, into an endless tirade of his experience of parenting.
Doom & Gloom with no resolution in sight.
And while we agree. Early parenting is hard. Very hard. At times seemingly impossible...
The last thing we would go on to choose to listen to in the quiet times between nappy changing and feeding is someone telling you how awful it all is. What happened to the irony? What happened to making light of an otherwise depressing situation??
If you are looking for a whimsical/ ironic look at early parenting, something to lighten the mood after a day of sleep deprivation and screaming, (which we thought this may be) then I’d advise you look elsewhere.
1 person found this helpful
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
- Ben Pulsford
- 26-07-21
Poor
As a soon to be new parent, I don’t want my future baby compared to a terrorist inside the first 5 minutes of speaking. Very poor.
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
- Richard Broni
- 17-04-21
Insightful and funny
Very good insight and infory for a dad to be with a sprinkle of humour!
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
- SiMoNa
- 01-11-20
great
Good book, easy to listen. pity didnt get to listen to it when my baby was just born,would have helped.
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
- "ayates34"
- 09-10-20
Great
All great, before and after kids, I think mum's would really like hearing it from the dad point of view too
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
- Colin P.
- 30-09-20
More of a fun story then any use.
As he says I learnt this in an antenatal classes and if you are lucky you will too but the book itself rarely teaches you anything.
In saying that its not bad as a story.
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
- Simon
- 01-09-20
really funny
this is a really funny book which I could relate to as should anyone who has children
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
- Gary Inett
- 29-06-20
very entertaining
This book is great, unlike most parenting books that look at everything through rose tinted glasses, Matt gives a great no nonsense explanation of what to expect and puts a brilliant comedy spin it.
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
- Amazon Customer
- 23-04-20
Funny and terribly depressing
Bought the book to get advices for my first baby while having a bit of a laugh. I am already quite fix on the idea that it will be a very difficult experience and was looking for some comfort. From the jokes about constant lack of sleep, terrible eating, weight gain lack of time, complexe logistics of doing everything with kids, constant cleaning or constant dirtiness... I have learned that I should prepare myself for an even more stressing and hard life than I had imagined and I am left to discover by myself why the hell do we want kids so bad? was hoping for something a bit more positive.