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A recent Tweet focused my mind on something I've only really glimpsed with a side-eye. We hear so much about the challenges of the early teen years that it's easy to forget young adults have their own issues.

As the Tweeter said, when our kids are 18-22 they're dealing with adult emotions, disappointing experiences and us parents have zero control; making it terrible to witness. The response to the remark was a variety of parents agreeing entirely, or begging for better news because they needed to know that things get better.

My two bonus daughters have been through this stage and I have a teen who's literally on the brink, so I thought it would a great topic to discuss with her.

In our chat we talked about the precipice of leaving school, the way that our teen's cohort then moves on to vastly different things, and the need for our teens to create their own community for the first time in their lives.

For us parents, there's the need to realise how little control we have over our teens, that we too are in a new stage of life, and a time when we begin to see the groundwork we have laid in terms of resilience and self-determination, begin to pay back.

We'd love to know what you think about this discussion.

BOOKS:
A Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara
The Mad Woman's Ball Victoria Mas

ARTICLE:
https://www.thetimes.com/magazines/the-times-magazine/article/caitlin-moran-british-teenage-girls-unhappy-qgc3d5wgf

Support the show

Please vote for Teenagers Untangled in the Women in Podcasting Awards!
Click on the Parenting category and choose Teenagers Untangled from the drop-down link:
www.womenpodcasters.com/vote

Thank you so much for your support.

I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

Rachel’s email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/



Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk

Send us a text

When an anonymous listener posted this question we thought it would be a great topic to discuss; one that many of our listeners could be wondering about.

The listener said, Hello, I absolutely love your podcast. And here’s the question. Do you think all teens should go to therapy, just so they have a space to talk that isn’t a parent, family member or friend. I’ve been pondering this lately and trying to equip my kids with all the tools I feel they will need in life.

Feeling very empowered listening to the podcast.

The other issue we discussed was an email in which a listener queried whether it's really that important for boys to have male teachers as role models; or even to have same sex role models at all.

REFERENCES:

• https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/conflict-resolution-skills-can-deepen-your-relationship-with-your-teen-heres-how/
• Richard Reeves Of Boys and Men
• Bad Therapy, Why The Kids Aren't Growing UP.

Support the show

Please vote for Teenagers Untangled in the Women in Podcasting Awards!
Click on the Parenting category and choose Teenagers Untangled from the drop-down link:
www.womenpodcasters.com/vote

Thank you so much for your support.

I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

Rachel’s email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/



Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk

Send us a text

Grades are used in education the world over, but why? With the growing mental health crisis in teenagers I've been exploring how experts are asking whether perhaps it's time we looked again at the role grades play in helping or hindering the learning of our children.

In my interview with Josh Eyler, author of Failing Our Future: How Grades Harm Students, and What We Can Do about It we discuss the negative impact of grades on students. Eyler argues that the focus on grades, starting early, is akin to a Tetris-like pile-up, affecting students' motivation, performance, and psychology.

He criticizes grade portals for creating undue pressure and strategic learning and advocates for feedback over grades, emphasizing that grades are often used to justify judgments rather than to coach students.

He suggests alternative grading models that reduce pressure and honor individual learning rates and also highlights the importance of fostering curiosity and intrinsic motivation in students, noting that employers value skills like communication and critical thinking over GPA.

For us parents, Josh emphasizes the importance of fostering curiosity and natural interest in learning. He argues for the importance of communicating our love and support for our children, regardless of their grades.

https://olemiss.edu/profiles/jreyler.php

Support the show

Please vote for Teenagers Untangled in the Women in Podcasting Awards!
Click on the Parenting category and choose Teenagers Untangled from the drop-down link:
www.womenpodcasters.com/vote

Thank you so much for your support.

I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

Rachel’s email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/



Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk

Send us a text

As your child turns from a tween to a teen it's obvious to everyone that their body and mind are undergoing massive changes. It's destablising for our kids and can be very uncomfortable for us parents watching as the changes take place.

Some of our discomfort can come from our own fears about how to guide them through the changes and what sort of person will come out the other side of the transformation.

Some of it will be down to our own memories of the problems we faced when we hit puberty and some of the biggest difficulties can stem from our own unresolved body issues and the different attitudes to body image when we were growing up.

It's a messy, imperfect, process so we thought it might help listeners to hear Phoebe and I talk about our own experience as a way to help you unpick the process for yourself.

Support the show

Thanks for listening.

I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

Rachel’s email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/



Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk

Send us a text

Music festivals are a rite of passage for many teens. Whilst some love the music, the lack of restriction and opportunities to mingle in a way that they could have only dreamt of during Covid, others decide to give them a miss or go and positively hate the experience.

I was never a festival kid growing up. I didn't have the money, or the opportunity. As an adult, I've found them to be joyous events, but will always refuse to stay the night.

My girls have now both been to one of the key UK festivals, Reading, so I thought you might be interested to hear more about what to expect if your kids are keen to go, how best to plan ahead, and what the key issues turned out to be.

Support the show

Thanks for listening.

I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

Rachel’s email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/



Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk

Send us a text

What is school for, and are exam grades a good measure of a human? Does someone's grades tell us what we should know, or are we being misled? Do grades help children grow and engage with learning, or do they simply destroy interest and entrench social divisions? These are the sort of questions that perplex many of us who are parenting teenagers.

It’s coming to the end of summer in the UK which means there’s been a wave of exam results and the beautifully timed release of a terrific book called Exam Nation; why our obsession with grades fails everyone.

Written by Sammy Wright, Headteacher of a secondary school in the North of England and part of the UK government’s Social Mobility Commission for several years it was chosen by the BBC as book of the week, and applauded by reviewers across the serious newspapers in the UK, and I even found it laugh out loud funny at times.

In this interview we talk about what school is for, the difficult transition from junior to secondary education, the need for tests and the way in which we view grades. Sammy offers up thought about other ways of looking at schooling which he thinks has become too transactional and would serve us better if it were more focused on the whole person.

https://twitter.com/SamuelWright78
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Exam-Nation-Obsession-Grades-Everyone/dp/1847927521/ref=tmm_hrd_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=

Support the show

Please vote for Teenagers Untangled in the Women in Podcasting Awards!
Click on the Parenting category and choose Teenagers Untangled from the drop-down link:
www.womenpodcasters.com/vote

Thank you so much for your support.

I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

Rachel’s email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/



Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk

Send us a text

Whether your teen is currently learning to drive, or those days are in the future, it helps to prepare ahead.

Both Rachel and Susie have teens learning, so it's a great time for Rachel to go through all of the tips and data to help us all think ahead about what is involved and how to make their life behind the wheel as safe and smooth as possible.

The free RISK ANTICIPATION driving course:
https://www.teendrive365inschool.com/safe-driving-resources/teens

NEW DRIVER AGREEMENT CATEGORIES:

• What are you responsible for in terms of cost?
• Enforcing zero tolerance for driving under the influence. Discuss situations.
• Use of a mobile phone. Switch off notifications.
• Remind them of the consequences if they break the law.
• Be a good role model.

RESOURCES USED:
https://www.wvpersonalinjury.com/teenage-driving-risks/
https://www.brake.org.uk/get-involved/take-action/mybrake/knowledge-centre/young-drivers
https://www.rac.co.uk/drive/news/driving-law/graduated-driving-licences-launched-to-tackle-overconfident-young-drivers/
https://www.gohenry.com/uk/blog/bread/why-gen-z-isnt-driving

Support the show

Thanks for listening.

I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

Rachel’s email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/



Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk

Send us a text

It doesn't matter how much we know, and how much we work at it, we'll all struggle to parent well at times; it's just part of being human.

To mark the 100th episode of the podcast I decided to give you a top ten of the best lessons I've learned, and continue to mess up.

In case you can't be bothered to listen, you're bored by me waffling, or you just want the list, here goes:

1. Connection over correction.
2. It's not personal, and it's not about you.
3. Kick the bullies out of your head.
4. It's not your job to tell your kids what to do, it's your job to help them find out who they are.
5. Routine is going to save everyone from nagging hell.
6. Assume your kids are trying their best and catch them being good.
7. Have clear boundaries, consequences and expectations, but be prepared to negotiate.
8. Community is way more important and helpful than we were told.
9. Be honest about your own failings.
10. Make time to enjoy the ride.

This list isn't definitive, it's just the stuff that's has felt most meaningful to me. Hopefully some of it will land with you, but if you have any other keys to heaven you can add then email teenagersuntangled@gmail.com and help us all out; we need all the support we can get.

Support the show

Thanks for listening.

I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

Rachel’s email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/



Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk