What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover?

In this episode my teens, Phoebe and Amelia, joined me in the studio to help answer some questions emailed in by listeners, and sent to me on social media.

We kick off by chatting about exploring their identity and what they think is the key to gettting them out of their bedrooms.

*So sorry about the quality of the audio on their microphones. I do everything on my own so I haven't yet perfected having to manage the sound on two people, and don't yet have the editing skills to fix the issues in post-production.

QUESTIONS:

1: My 14 year old is such a lovely, talented and kind girl. She had lovely friends, and she's very sweet and kind towards them all the time. Exclamation mark, now when she is in a foul mood, I'm the first and only person she takes out her anger and frustration on. Can you shed some light on this scenario for me?

2: I have a 13 year old girl who belongs to one of those large friend groups you discussed on one of the podcasts. Many times she feels left out if she does not get invited to something, I try my best speaking with her and letting her make her own choices on how she handles her feelings. Sometimes I really have the urge to call the other mum who is hosting a group of girls and ask her for help, tell her what's going on. How it sucks to feel left out. I've never called anyone because I want to teach my daughter than life, there were, will be many times like this, and you have to learn to deal with those feelings. And I don't want to be a helicopter mom. Am I doing the right thing?

3: Could you talk about starting secondary school? Can you remember what it was like?

Support the show

Thank you so much for your support.

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.

My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/

Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk

Send us a text

So many parents feel a deep loss when their teenager begins to separate from them; staying in their room and behaving as if the person they used to adore is the most embarassing thing they have ever witnessed.

In today's episode I brought in Anita Cleare, author of How to Get Your Teenager Out of Their Bedroom, to discuss the challenges of parenting teenagers.

In her book she covers the key things that drive adolescents to push against us:

1. Separation – from the family
2. Autonomy – taking control of their own lives and decisions.
3. Individuation – defining themselves and their unique identity.
4. Assimilation – learning to fit in as a member of their society.

And the six common thinking traps parents fall into.

1. Overgeneralising – we reach a negative conclusion based on just one incident.
2. Catastrophic thinking – tends to involve worrying way into the future. Parents especially prone to this thinking trap when we identify additional factors which seem to add weight to our catastrophic thoughts.
3. Should/Shouldn’t – usually happens when our expectations are not met. My teen should know better by now, they’re x years old, they should be able to remember simple instructions.
4. Mind reading – we assume we know what’s going on in our teen’s mind without asking them.
5. Comparisonitis – If your teen is truly struggling with their self-esteem or mental health, even simple everday event like turning up to watch a sports match knowing that theyour tene is at home because they can’t face it can set off heart-breaking comparisons.
6. It’s all about me! – we want our efforts to be recognised and appreciated, which when it comes to teens, is a bit of a problem. Teens are deeply self-absorbed and trying to separate from you to become independent.

We explored how we parents can better manage ourselves - and our own expectations - so that we can build emotionally supportive connections with our teens which will encourage them to come out of their room.

Anita highlights the significance of phones and gaming in teenagers' lives, suggesting strategies to manage screen time and maintain positive relationships.

We also addressed the importance of recognizing that bad behaviour can be hiding low moods. What to look for and how to provide a supportive environment.

ANITA CLEARE:

https://anitacleare.co.uk/

BOOK:

How to Get Your Teenager Out of Their Bedroom by Anita Cleare

Support the show

Thank you so much for your support.

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.

My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/

Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk

Send us a text

In psychology, the term "identity" is most commonly used to describe the distinctive qualities or traits that make an individual unique. Identities are strongly associated with self-esteem, and individuality and - for a teenager - forming their identity is a crucial job.

It's been over two years since I created the first episode looking at the topic of identity formation. In this episode I have pulled material from the orginal discussion, and brought in Susie to revisit the topic so we can discuss what we have learned during our parenting journeys.

One of the key issues we discuss is the importance of being flexible and not fixing a child's identity, so they have room to develop and grow. We can help this by supporting their teens' self-worth and personal growth; having open discussions about perceptions and roles.

BOOKS:

• Inventing Ourselves; The Secret Life of the Teenage Brain by Sarah Jayne Blakemore
• His Dark Materials - Phillip Pullman
• How to Raise a Healthy Gamer - Dr Alok Kanojia

RESOURCES:
Identity
https://www.choosingtherapy.com/identity-crisis/
https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/who-am-i-identity-crisis.htm
https://aspiroadventure.com/blog/why-is-teen-identity-development-important/#:~:text=Identity%20formation%20in%20teens%20is,most%20of%20their%20adult%20life.
The 8 stages of development Eric Ericson: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aYCBdZLCDBQ&t=28s

Support the show

Thank you so much for your support.

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.

My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/

Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk