heartbreak and oppression

If I Can’t Have You is a book that’s hard to define. Is it a thriller? Yes, sometimes. Other times it’s more of a dark drama or a character-driven story. However you categorise it, it’s a very polished debut novel.The story is told by Constance, a young woman who has moved to London after the death of her mother. Written in the retrospective first person, the novel is a letter to a person who meant a lot to Constance. Samuel is a new doctor at the surgery where Constance works as a secretary. Handsome and engaging, it’s not long before the two of them have a fling. But Samuel doesn’t want anything serious and ends it. The problem is that Constance is certain Samuel is the love of her life. Much of the story is devoted to the time after the end of their relationship from the hook-ups to the parts when Constance is in her house. As it gets creepier, Constance starts revealing more about herself in the letter.

It’s at this part when we learn more about Constance’s life before London that my perspective of her began to change. She is definitely breaking boundaries with her fixation with Samuel but her life has been one of loss and in her eyes, desertion. Add to this the weird relationship she has with her flatmate and Constance’s circumstances begin to play a bigger role in why she’s acting so possessively. She’s not a truly likeable character – it’s hard to like someone when they’ve broken in to someone else’s flat and tried on their mother’s wedding dress – but she is fascinating. It’s relatively rare to read a first-person perspective of a stalker and Constance also attracts a lot of bad luck. As for Samuel, I really didn’t understand what Constance saw in him. He’s charming and a smooth talker, but it’s clear that he strings women along for a good time when he wants. There were plenty of examples of him leading Constance on, then blanking her later on. His behaviour at times was abominable.

The crescendo of the story is brutal and raw. The appearance of a secondary character, Edward (an elderly man with a penchant for collecting curios and telling stories) helped to soften it somewhat. However, it didn’t fully redeem Constance in my eyes. Yes, she has had a horrible time and needs help but I was surprised that the police weren’t involved more. Perhaps it was Constance’s good luck where Samuel was involved, perhaps it was another plot device to make the reader feel more for Constance. Was she lucky? It’s difficult to say. Would I want her on the streets? Probably not. It’s this ambiguity that kept me reading during some of the flatter parts of the book as Constance and Samuel got together, then he pushed her away. This seemed a little repetitive and served more to emphasise what a tool Samuel was to me more than anything else. But overall, the book was well written and came up with some complex moral issues that I could see a book club debating throughout the night over. If I Can’t Have You is a polished debut.

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4 people found this helpful

Excellent

Totally loved this book. The story was brilliant. Excellently narrated by Chloe Massey. Definitely one of my best books.

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1 person found this helpful

Creepy, sad and great

I loved this book - I felt really sorry for Constance but found her very disturbing at the same time. Really liked the narrator - she bought the characters to life very well. The ending was good too - loved the final words on snow!

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Absolutely gripping!

I found it a slow start but as the book went on I found myself gripped. Narrator was also fantastic.

Great listen!

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Brilliant. Romance with a twist.

I absolutely loved this book. So well written i couldn't stop listening. Now wishing it never ended. Really well narrated too.

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very enjoyable

Easy listen, lovely narrator and great story! "If ai can't have you" is a keeper!

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Captivating I lived and breathed it ......

This book is a journey of high and lows , at times I had a deep loathing for Samuel and a true fondness for the lovely Edward. Connie was so beautifully complex but also frustrating at times. On the whole I couldn’t put it down although on occasions I couldn’t listen through sheer frustration that Connie was so hindered by her feelings for Samuel........brilliant

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Incredible

I really enjoyed this book. It was so interesting and moving. Thank you to the author.

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Just loved this, really gripping story

Excellent story with such beautiful writing. I was completely gripped from start to finish. Can't wait for the next one!

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A binge listen

You won’t want to stop listening. I was compelled to press on itching to know what would happen next.

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