Listen free for 30 days

  • The ADHD Effect on Marriage

  • Understand and Rebuild Your Relationship in Six Steps
  • By: Melissa Orlov
  • Narrated by: Laura Jennings
  • Length: 8 hrs and 3 mins
  • 4.6 out of 5 stars (45 ratings)

One credit a month, good for any title to download and keep.
Unlimited listening to the Plus Catalogue - thousands of select Audible Originals, podcasts and audiobooks.
No commitment - cancel anytime.
£7.99/month after 30 days. Renews automatically. See here for eligibility.
The ADHD Effect on Marriage cover art

The ADHD Effect on Marriage

By: Melissa Orlov
Narrated by: Laura Jennings
Try for £0.00

£7.99/month after 30 days. Renews automatically. See here for eligibility.

Buy Now for £22.49

Buy Now for £22.49

Pay using card ending in
By completing your purchase, you agree to Audible's Conditions of Use and authorise Audible to charge your designated card or any other card on file. Please see our Privacy Notice, Cookies Notice and Interest-based Ads Notice.

Summary

An invaluable resource for couples in which one of the partners suffers from attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), this authoritative book guides troubled marriages toward an understanding of and appreciation for the struggles and triumphs of a relationship affected by it and to look at the disorder in a more positive and less disruptive way. Going beyond traditional marriage counseling, this discussion offers advice from the author's personal experience and years of research and identifies patterns of behavior that can hurt marriages - such as nagging, intimacy problems, sudden anger, and memory issues - through the use of vignettes and descriptions of actual couples and their ADHD struggles and solutions. This resource encourages both spouses to become active partners in improving their relationship and healing the fissures that ADHD can cause.

©2010 Melissa Orlov (P)2017 Tantor

More from the same

What listeners say about The ADHD Effect on Marriage

Average customer ratings
Overall
  • 4.5 out of 5 stars
  • 5 Stars
    35
  • 4 Stars
    6
  • 3 Stars
    0
  • 2 Stars
    3
  • 1 Stars
    1
Performance
  • 4.5 out of 5 stars
  • 5 Stars
    28
  • 4 Stars
    5
  • 3 Stars
    1
  • 2 Stars
    4
  • 1 Stars
    1
Story
  • 4.5 out of 5 stars
  • 5 Stars
    29
  • 4 Stars
    6
  • 3 Stars
    0
  • 2 Stars
    4
  • 1 Stars
    0

Reviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.

Sort by:
Filter by:
  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars

Liberating!

I am so grateful for this book. I recently split from my girlfriend who has ADHD. In fact she dumped me for about the 50th time. As soon as she felt us getting really close she would pull away. And pain would ensue. I have really struggled to understand her despite throwing myself heart and soul into the relationship. We still communicate now via text and occasionally see each other. It's hard to believe we will ever get back together though I still dearly love her. But this audiobook really helped understand her so much. It brought me to tears on many occasions. Thank you for helping me at least to understand her a little better. I wish I had listened to it much earlier in our relationship, perhaps (from my side at least) I could have reacted to certain stimuli in much better ways and things could have turned out differently. I'm very grateful for the act of generosity that this book is.

11 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars

It's a brilliant insight into ADHD

It's a brilliant insight into ADHD and how to get an understanding of the crazy world of having a ADHD partner.

4 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    2 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    2 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    2 out of 5 stars

as a person with ADHD I was hopeful

I found it doing worst case scenario all the time. I suffer from ADHD and was hopeful it would give me and my wife in site.
I don't think this is in general how ADHD are, we have traits of some. thought it would have helpful tips gave up with 2 hours left

1 person found this helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars

An insightful and relaxing read

Recommended for anyone in a relationship with ADHD. Melissa's lived experience shines through with depth and clarity.

1 person found this helpful

  • Overall
    2 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    2 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    2 out of 5 stars

Demonises ADHD

Recently diagnosed and although I have an extremely happy relationship decided to learn more about potential impacts. The author very clearly doesn’t have ADHD and is suggesting it’s a huge problem in a relationship rather than them being super creative and loving usually way more fun. The first half of the book is basically just listing all the problems the ADHD spouse causes in life and others lives saying ‘treat the symptoms’ wow thanks I’m cured. Reductionistic and focused only on properly failing marriages. Might be nice to have all your negative beliefs confirmed as a non-ADHD person though and use this book as a nice weapon that you’re definitely not the problem, the ADHD person is.

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars

Very helpful

Well presented, relatable and I already know I"ll be returning to different chapters often. Very clear and pleasantly narrated.

Sort by:
Filter by:
  • Overall
    1 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    1 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    1 out of 5 stars
Profile Image for Brent
  • Brent
  • 16-02-20

“Just Give Up Now” is the feeling you get.

I’ll break it into good and bad points
Good
- Will help validate and clarify relationship struggles. It will help clarify that you’re not crazy as the none ADHD spouse
- Written from the non ADHD spouse perspective.

Bad
- The majority of the book is about how miserable the relationship is for everyone
- ADHD seems to be portrayed as a disease. Very few comments on its good qualities.
- There is little focus on navigating the challenges. Relationships tools are briefly covered. Then it is followed by how miserable people are.
- Positivity is brief. You’ll hear one statement about how things will be great. Then it is followed by how miserable everyone is.

The book has good intentions, but seems to reflect the author’s difficulties faced as the non ADHD spouse. It helped identify the ADD challenges earlier in my life. However, listening to the book has left me depressed and feeling hopeless. I got about four hours into the book before I finally had to stop. It wasn’t getting better.

The book has left the feeling that people with ADHD should avoid relationships all together and spend life alone. (Based on the first 4 hours of the same message)

The quick version of the book’s recommendations are. Find an ADHD marriage counselor and manage the ADHD.

The book is good for non ADHD partners seeking validation for their struggles. It will helps to reassure that they aren’t crazy.

41 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars
Profile Image for Finck Thincks
  • Finck Thincks
  • 13-11-19

Worth the read for marriages with an ADHD spouse

I am the ADHD (male) spouse. This book is directed more at the non-ADHD spouse, and contains great advice. So I highly recommend it for the non-ADHD spouse. My non-ADHD spousev had found it to be very helpful, and, as she progresses through each section, putting recommendations into action already facilitating improvements in our marital relationship.

However, if you're the one with ADD/ADHD, the way she talks about some things can be more difficult or even feel offensive at times. But this is because she's speaking to the non-ADHD spouse, and acknowledging their emotional experiences of living with you. And that can be hard to hear and accept, without feeling very threatened or judged. The author's time is clearly such that this is not her intent. The intent is to validate the non-ADHD spouse's experience. and that can be very hard to hear and accept. Taken in this light, the book can be helpful for both sides in gaining empathy towards the other's experience. And in that light can potentially facilitate better outcomes. Nonetheless, this can also trigger feelings of judgement, defensiveness, guilt/shame/blame, etc. for the ADHD spouse. so be prepared for that. Both of you will have to do your best to put the best construction in your respective approved in these situations.

I got through it fine. But I've also done a decent amount of work on myself in this area before listening to the book. Even with that, the general tone throughout the book was still very difficult at times.

So... non-ADHD spouses, please take all this into consideration before recommending to your spouse that they read it too. I'm not saying don't recommend it. Simply do your best to be aware of your spouse's sensitivities, while they are reading the book, if you choose to recommend it. For some of you, it may not produce the desired effect.

39 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars
Profile Image for Philip Ian Harrison
  • Philip Ian Harrison
  • 07-07-17

ADHD Relationship Decoder

I purchased this book after a breakup of a 9 year relationship. I had also had a divorce many years ago. This book blew my mind.

Chapter after chapter, I found most references in this book applied to my long term relationships. So strongly in fact I was brought to tears over and over, sobbing. I was unaware my ADHD played such a huge negative role in my relationships. I was floored.

If you have ADHD or have a partner with ADHD you unequivocally NEED to listen to this book. It is an eye opener and hopefully it will set you and your partner on a road to recovery.

I love you Konstantza and hope you will have me back so we can have a new relationship with all of the joys we are supposed to have.

Love always and forever,

Philip

30 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars
Profile Image for JohnnyFi
  • JohnnyFi
  • 04-09-17

ADHD spouse here, I finally feel like I have a plan to salvage the little bit I have left in my marriage!

I am so grateful this book is Finally on audiobook. I have a hard copy and have had it for several years now. I've been married for nearly 11 years. The beginning of the book almost exactly described the downfall my marriage has been going through. The fact that Melissa so perfectly describes what I've been through and does so with logic and compassion. She does a wonderful job explaining in a way that keeps me from feeling inept as a spouse.

The concepts are simple and a great summary recap is at the back of the book. Thank you Melissa, I haven't felt this much hope and confidence that I can build a foundation within the ashes of my currently failing marriage.

If you are reading my review and either one or. Out of you have adhd in your marriage. This is a really solid plan that sounds like it's going to work!

Good luck, it's hard but I know it will be worth it to get my relationship and my family in a good place. :)

16 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars
Profile Image for Dennis
  • Dennis
  • 01-09-17

must buy if you have adult adhd

this is eye opening. If you are an adult with ADHD or a spouse of an adult with ADHD. You must take the time to listen to this. It hits every aspect of a relationship and how ADHD has effected it.

15 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    1 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    1 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    1 out of 5 stars
Profile Image for Wyomingrl
  • Wyomingrl
  • 07-02-20

Wow! You make it sound like ADHD people are awful!!

I have ADHD and I did not relate to this book at all. It had more negative comments than positive comments about ADHD. Just because I have ADHD doesn’t mean that I am incompetent and can’t do daily tasks, chores, etc.

12 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    1 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    1 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    2 out of 5 stars
Profile Image for michael westergren
  • michael westergren
  • 28-07-20

I really tried to finish this

She brings up a lot of good points on how miserable normal people are married to ADD people. it almost seems like she encourages people with ADHD not to ever get married. However I have ADHD and I am more productive than the average human being I found this book to be truly insulting. I made it about 3/4 of the way through and just couldn’t handle it anymore constantly referring to people with ADHD as children maybe I’m a rare breed but I manage a IT company and I am the breadwinner I cook I clean I do everything for my family so once again I find this book extremely Negative.

9 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    3 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    2 out of 5 stars
Profile Image for Kindle Customer
  • Kindle Customer
  • 28-01-20

Very basic

While narrated extremely well, the content is quite basic and it felt like the majority of the book was quotes from the author’s website’s forums plus personal experience from the author. There is very little tangible help and what is there could be dealt with in 20 pages or less. Save your credit!

7 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars
Profile Image for Anonymous User
  • Anonymous User
  • 17-05-17

It thrilled me!

Only the Bible is bigger in my book! Melissa-amazing. Laura-well done. My ADHD thanks you!

7 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars
Profile Image for Brian Fisk
  • Brian Fisk
  • 03-03-19

Changed my life - I now have awareness

I turned to this book after my wife of 9 years had multiple affairs over the last year. When I started listening to the book, it was a mirror of my marriage. I had thought I was ADHD most of my life but never addressed it. I asked my dr about adderrall 3 years ago which he wrote a script and although it helped for some time, well as I said I recently found out about affairs. When I realized that ADHD symptoms could be the cause for the space between us (multiple examples) I seemed out help from an adhd specialist. I was formerly diagnose with ADHD and a serious case of it. For the last two months I have been working on myself and I have a new awareness that my first path of thinking is my ADHD and through the tools in this book and journaling my thoughts, I now now how to get to my second path of thinking. If you think you have ADHD or your partner does, read this book! I wish I could get my wife to read it but I haven’t been able to get her to. Although were working on our marriage through counseling, this book was was unlocked my mind and provided me with awareness. I can never go back to my old way of not being aware. This book may have changed my awareness forever... now to make change. Thank you.

5 people found this helpful