Showing results by author "Dustin Gross" in All Categories

Whether you’re dealing with needy coworkers, guilt-tripping relatives, or friends who only show up when they need a favor, this audiobook arms you with real-world strategies—and laugh-out-loud lines—to say no like a pro.

Mudwater is not a village of heroes. It’s a wretched stain on the map, a place where men toil, starve, and die beneath the weight of feudal cruelty. The taxman takes what little they have, the Baron bleeds them dry, and the gods—if they even exist—have long since turned their backs. Jacques the Lame knows this better than anyone. A crippled former soldier, he has spent his years rotting in the filth, hunting rats for copper and drinking away the memories of wars fought for lords who never knew his name.

A laugh-out-loud survival guide for middle school mischief-makers! Charlie McGillicutty isn’t a troublemaker—he’s a scientist of chaos. Unfortunately, his latest experiment (involving a hamster-powered rocket) goes slightly wrong, earning him permanent lunch duty and a ridiculous punishment: write the Ultimate Guide to Being a Kid… or else.

Did you know that Zeus had the impulse control of a reality TV star on a bender? That Poseidon settled his grudges with tsunamis? Or that Ares was the god of war but somehow still managed to lose fights? Divine Dysfunction is a wild, sarcastic deep dive into the Greek and Roman gods who ruled the cosmos but couldn’t rule their own lives.

Ever fantasized about ghosting Thanksgiving—and your entire family? How to Quit Your Family (Without Getting Arrested) is your brutally honest, laugh-out-loud roadmap to freedom from toxic relatives, guilt-ridden holidays, and generational dysfunction.

In the small town of Fartsville, USA, a cow appeared—mysteriously, majestically, and profoundly flatulent. Her name is Betsy, and her wind carries prophecy. The Divine Udderance is a hilariously holy satire of modern faith, influencer culture, capitalism, and the sheer absurdity of worshipping a gas-blessed bovine. From jazz-fueled fart battles to gluten-free miracles, Betsy’s tale is one of unexpected enlightenment, complete with jazz bands, TikTok prophets, National Guard conversions, and a child who decodes her toots in Morse code.

Doom awaits…or so Mortimer Gravewhisper hopes. A tiny, brooding gnome obsessed with the inevitable, he sets out on a quest for ultimate despair—only to accidentally become a hero. With a sarcastic necromancer, an unstoppable cow, and a very confused prophecy, Mortimer’s journey proves that doom is frustratingly elusive… and hilarious.

Basic training was a disaster. His first mission was worse. But somehow, Private Johnny Durham is still alive—and that’s the real miracle. What happens when the world’s most unlucky soldier stumbles his way through the ranks of the U.S. Army? Absolute chaos.

"The Great Antarctic Mystery" follows Traci the Penguin, her adventurous husband Dustin, and their curious daughter Lizzie as they embark on a journey inspired by a glowing, ancient map Dustin discovers.

Shut Up, Change Your Socks, and Drink Some Damn Water is a brutally honest, hilariously vulgar field manual for life—served with a shot of military-grade wisdom and zero sugarcoating.