• Bill Corbett’s Creating Cooperative Kids

  • By: Bill Corbett
  • Podcast

Bill Corbett’s Creating Cooperative Kids

By: Bill Corbett
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  • Summary

  • A podcast designed to help parents and professionals raise confident and cooperative kids who will one day find their purpose in life... on schedule.
    Copyright © 2011 - 2023 Bill Corbett. All rights reserved.
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Episodes
  • 20 - Getting Kids in Bed On Time and to Stay There

    20 - Getting Kids in Bed On Time and to Stay There
    Jan 31 2023
    I'm Bill Corbett, the author of the book LOVE, LIMITS & LESSONS: A PARENT'S GUIDE TO RAISING COOPERATIVE KIDS and I've spent over 25 years working with parents and teachers with children with challenging behaviors. How would you like to have your children in bed on time most nights and to STAY in bed? Then you're going to enjoy listening to the solutions I have to offer in this episode. It's bad enough that we parents are soooo tired at the end of the day. And if the bedtime routine that you've been dealing with, seems to go on for hours, parenting in your home could be a nightmare with endless yelling. As in most pareting tips that I offer, success with your kids means setting things up in advance is key. Successful routines start with rules, boundaries and patterns that children can follow. So when you're creating routines, you'll be more successful with your children if you practice them with the kids in advance and as often as you can. Children learn by watching and then participating in somewhat of a practice or make believe mode. You won't be very successful if you suddenly spring a change on them without warning. It's normal for them to resist because change feels uncomfortable for them. It's uncomfortable for anyone, even adults. So you'll be more successful with anything you've learned in this podcast if you set up practice runs with the kids so they will expect new routines to happen. In this episode I'm reading a chapter from my book, Love, Limits & Lessons: A Parent's Guide to Raising Cooperative Kids. It's available in paperback, kindle and now on Audible. Whether children should be allowed to sleep in bed with their parents or in their own is a personal choice for the adults involved. I can quote experts and present evidence-based data to support both sides of this discussion. This article offers suggestions for those parents who have decided not to practice family bed sharing and who need help in getting the kids to their own beds and remain there. Bedtime can be a very stressful time of day for families. Parents and children come together after a tiring day of work or school and yearn to reconnect with each other. While parents do want that reconnection, they also see an evening full of tasks that must be attended to before they can truly unwind and relax. But with all those dinner, homework and cleanup tasks that must be accomplished, it becomes difficult to allow that reconnection to occur as it should. Oftentimes, the children feel frustrated, sensing that their caregivers aren’t there 100%, so they express the frustration even further through misbehavior and a lack of cooperation. When bedtime arrives, it can take an hour or more just to get the kids into bed and to remain there. By the time they do, parents are exhausted and dreading having to do it all again tomorrow night. Keep in mind that children don’t like to go to bed because it means the end to their day and more importantly, the end to their time with parents. They also seem to have this sense that a party begins once they are put to bed and don’t want to miss out, so they will do whatever they can to delay it. To help with this process, here are 10 things parents can do to make bedtime work more effectively. Six Preparation Steps for the New Bedtime • Allow your child to find some way of personalizing her room. From picking out a new lamp shade to an entirely new paint scheme, letting her be as creative as possible will help her feel as though the room really belongs to her. • Keep bedtime consistent and on time. Determine what bedtime will be going forward and announce it to the children. If an event or activity causes a late night, don’t let the plan fall apart. Reinforce the boundary the following evening and keep moving forward. • Create a checklist of all bedtime activities that must be completed in the half hour or hour prior to bedtime. Allow them to help you make the list and then post it for all to see. For toddlers and preschoolers, create large drawings or cutouts to represent each activity and tape them at the child’s eye level on a wall in sequence. • Minimize the number of toys kept in the children’s bedroom. They are able to fall asleep best when there are few distractions in their rooms. • Avoid allowing your children to have entertainment electronics such as televisions, DVD players, computers, or video games in their bedrooms. • Purchase a visual timer to manage the schedule of bedtime activities. Four Steps for Implementing the New Process • On the day you decide to begin the new process for bedtime, make an official announcement that you’re going to do some different things at bedtime tonight. Be sure to get to the kids eye level and use an exciting tone of voice when announcing the change. Say to them, “Starting tonight, once you’re ready for bed and I have tucked you in, I can’t speak to or look at you until morning.” For younger children, ...
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    14 mins
  • 19 - Handling Messy Rooms and Too Many Toys

    19 - Handling Messy Rooms and Too Many Toys
    Jan 8 2023
    I'm Bill Corbett, the author of the book LOVE, LIMITS & LESSONS: A PARENT'S GUIDE TO RAISING COOPERATIVE KIDS and I've spent over 25 years working with parents and teachers with children with challenging behaviors. One of those challenging behaviors really drove ME crazy until I figured it out what to do about it. So how would you like some solutions to help you deal with your kids messy room and too many toys? In order for this to happen, I first need to get you to consider the fact that children don't naturally understand the importance of being organized and structured. They have to learn this over time, some of it from the adults caring for them and a whole lot more organically on their own. It takes time for them to develop this skill and it takes lots of patience on the part of the adults caring for them. One day I had had it with my daughter's messy room. I couldn't stand walking by the doorway to her room every day and seeing all the chaos. As I did, I remembered how my parents forced me to clean my room and I hated that they did that. I was punished for the messy room and all I thought about was how much I hated my parents. I felt like the condition of my room was more important than our relationship. So I knew I didn't want to become my parents and start yelling at her. One family member use to go into their child's room when she was at school and box up all of her things, leaving her with an empty room. She would then get them all back after a 2-week span of time. I didn't think very much about that technique and didn't want to do that either. So, I waited for a moment when I felt like I could remain calm and when my daughter seemed like she was open to learning or at least open to hear me. I got her to sit at the table with me and I used the old I FEEL _________ WHEN _________ communications technique that we used at the office. I said, "Honey, I feel really stressed out whenever I have to look into your room and see all of the mess. What could you do to help me with this problem." I was totally amazed when she said, "I'll keep my door closed." Now, that didn't solve the messy room problem, but it did solve my feeling stress problem, so I accepted it. The solution she offered wasn't ideal, but I was OK with it. It was a good start because I was a firm believer that her room belonged to HER and not to me. Some parents demand that all their kid's bedroom doors remain open so they can monitor what's going on, but I never had to worry about that. We had already established house rules that no food or entertainment electronics were allowed in bedrooms, including cell phones, tablets and laptops. After we implemented the new, THE DOOR IS KEPT CLOSED WHEN IT'S MESSY rule, there were obviously times when I saw that it was open, and the room wasn't cleaned up. So, I would use the ONE WORD REMINDER rule when I saw it... I would say "DOOR." She would huff and puff and growl, and sometimes even blurt out, "Oh my gosh Dad, this is so stupid!" She would then go close her door. While we're on this reminder technique, I urge all parents to talk less when the need to remind arises. Instead of saying, "Jason, how many times do I have to tell you to go hang your jacket up. There are children in foreign countries who would love to have a jacket as nice as yours and look how you abuse yours and leave it laying around for others to step on." I had to add that KIDS IN FOREIGN COUNTRIES thing as a reminder of how we tend to guilt our kids into doing some things. Anyway, instead of yelling at Jason to hang his Jacket up, I tell parents to say use one word.... JACKET. If they've left their book bag laying in the middle of room, calmly say, "Jason, BOOK BAG." When I started using this one-word technique, my kids would mimic me and repeat what I had said, but in a sassy tone. I ignored it and they put the book bag away. But if you make an issue of the sassiness, they are going to love it because it affected you and it made them feel powerful over you in that moment. If your kids do it to you, just ignore it, don't give their response any value. If you listened to episode 15, I featured an excerpt from a live workshop with a room full of parents and teachers, eager to learn how to manage challenging behaviors. I was delivering my 10 IRREFULTABLE FACTS ABOUT KIDS workshop and in that episode segment, the topic was the challenge of transitioning children quicker and easier. That kids have NO time management skills. In this episode I offer the 2nd excerpt from that recording and the 2nd irrefutable fact. It's that kids are messy and disorganized, and forcing them or punishing them will not help them develop that skill any quicker. It will only destroy your relationship with them. Let's go over a few helpful tips related to disorganized habits with our kids and how to help them transition: - Their bedroom belongs to them, not to you. Allow them to have that place they can go to for privacy and safety - Allow them to ...
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    18 mins
  • 18 - How to Teach Children to be Kind to Others

    18 - How to Teach Children to be Kind to Others
    Jan 1 2023

    I'm Bill Corbett, the author of the book LOVE, LIMITS & LESSONS: A PARENT'S GUIDE TO RAISING COOPERATIVE KIDS and I've spent over 25 years working with parents and teachers with children with challenging behaviors. By listening to this creating cooperative kids podcast, you'll learn techniques for getting your kids to cooperate with you and the result will be having children who are more loving and fun to be with. These techniques are respectful to both you and your child and when practiced over and over, you'll find yourself with more peace and calmness in your home, or in your classroom if you're a teacher.

    Kids and teens are naturally self-centered. But with kids increasing use of social media, it's gotten even worse. Constant selfies, posts, focusing on number of likes and the ease of creating videos, it's now called the ME GENERATION and it's even harder to teach our children to think more about others and less about themselves.

    One way that parents can help to increase the empathy in their children is to find activities for the whole family to participate in, to set an example of what it looks like to be in service to others. One Thanksgiving I announced to my 3 kids that we were going to spend Thanksgiving in a different way this year... we were going to bring an entire Thanksgiving meal to someone who didn't have a family. My two older daughters rolled their eyes and whined about this change.

    Thanksgiving Day arrived and we had our meal all packed up in containers as we headed to an address of a person assigned to us. We headed across town and arrived at a row of very small homes. All five of us carried bags and containers as we walked up to the door and knocked. An elderly woman answered the door and we introduced ourselves. She invited us in and began to cry. My kids did too. I saw the tears welling up in their eyes as they quietly watched her thanking us over and over.

    At first, I thought it was going to be a very quiet ride back home after sharing Thanksgiving dinner with the woman, but my kids were very chatty and talked about the whole experience, all the way back. Something obviously changed for them that day as they experienced the act of giving to someone else and I knew it felt good to them. Following that day, I saw clear signs that they were having more thoughts, more often about giving to others in other ways. What kinds of things could YOU do to help get your kids to think more about being in service to others?

    One of my many guests that I interviewed on my CREATING COOPERATIVE KIDS TV show made it his personal mission to help adults get kids out of their own heads and teach them about caring more for others through the act of paying it forward. Dr. Clint Steele spent one year launching and leading the pay if forward project which included a limited run magazine and projects for youth to get involved. Listen in now to my interview of Dr. Steele. I asked him to share more ideas for parents on increasing the empathy in their kids and teens.

    We get so many chances to set an example for our kids, of being in service to others and unfortunately, too much mind chatter for many parents causes them to miss them. As a parent, I worked hard at teaching my kids by looking for examples of acts of service around us wherever we happened to be. One day my son and I had just pulled into the parking lot at the mall, and I saw an event that I used to teach my young son. I brought his attention to a car just ahead of us. An elderly couple had just pulled up and the woman was driving. She got out of the car and walked around to the passenger side to open the door for the man who may have been her husband. Handing the man a cane, she helped him exit the car and together they walked hand-in-hand into the mall. I wanted him to see that act of kindness and that it didn't matter whether the person being helped was a man or a woman.

    Children and teens can learn acts of kindness by: witnessing events, seeing examples set by their parents or participating in acts of kindness themselves. What have you done to teach the art of paying it forward to your children? What can you do to keep the lesson going for them?

    If you have questions that I can answer for you, I hope you will consider joining my RAISING AN INDEPENDENT CHILD Facebook page. I'd love to hear from you and help you implement some of these ideas. But let me caution you. Don't try to implement everything you learn in this podcast, all at once. It could overwhelm you. Pick just one or two tips at a time and do them over and over. Then replay the episodes at a later time to learn more. Thanks again for listening and please consider sharing or subscribing to this podcast. All information in this podcast is the property of Bill Corbett and Cooperative Kids Publishing. Copyright 2023. All rights reserved.
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    15 mins

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