Once you know what your spouse likes, do it. Sex is not about being selfish. Make your spouse and their pleasure your focus. There is something very gratifying when we stop trying to be fulfilled and focus on fulfilling someone else. As Christians, we know this to be true but I don’t believe we always apply this to our sex lives. When we aim to please our spouses, our spouses will most likely respond in the same way. It’s a win-win for everyone.

There will be plenty of times in marriage where sex can not happen because of legitimate issues. So with that in mind, let’s not turn down the opportunity when it can. Just because you are “not in the mood” is not a good excuse. Instead of using it as an excuse not to, use sex to change it!

In marriage, you do not always have candlelight and romance, but maybe you have ten minutes while your baby is napping. Perhaps you both have a few minutes before you have to get ready for work. Let’s take advantage of these little pockets of time to be intimate with our spouses.

www.abeautifuladventuremarriage.com

On our last three podcasts, we discussed 10 things that could damage your intimacy with your spouse. We dealt with the problem first because if you try to fix something without dealing with the problem, you will only have a big problem in the end.

In the next few episodes we will be discussing 10 things you can do to help improve your sex life. So let’s dive in.

Sex should not be the only time you attempt to spend with your spouse. Find out what interests them and share that with them. Find ways to connect with your spouse in a nonsexual way every day. This will build your relationship all around not only in the bedroom.

You would think that if you can have sex with your spouse, you would be able to talk about sex with your spouse. Strangely enough, that is not always the case. Talking about sex with your spouse may be very awkward, but it is a way you can make your sex life better. This allows you to discover what they like and don’t like, and vice versa. With that knowledge, you can spend your time intentionally doing things that turn them on!

www.abeautifuladventuremarriage.com

Last week we gave you more things that could be damaging or even killing your sex life. Your sex life is such an important part of your marriage and should be thriving not dying.

On our last two episodes we talked about...

Distractions

Constantly shutting down your spouse

Critical Words

Body Image

Comparison

Being Too Busy

Poor Routine

Let's look at a few more things that could be hindering your sex life.

I love the fact that I am comfortable being myself in my marriage. That is one of the many facets of marriage. It is a place to be loved unconditionally, even the imperfect side of me that no one else sees. However, we can take comfort too far.

During the dating phase, you probably would have literally died if you farted or burped in front of the other person. You definitely didn’t let them in the bathroom while you occupied it. You didn’t go around scratching whatever itched or wearing dirty clothes. Yet, we do these very things in marriage and wonder why our spouses aren’t throwing themselves on us.

Let’s be comfortable, but not take it too far. Set back up some of the dating boundaries and you might get some of the dating attention.

The marriage bed must be a place of mutuality—the husband seeking to satisfy his wife, the wife seeking to satisfy her husband. Marriage is not a place to “stand up for your rights.” Marriage is a decision to serve the other, whether in bed or out. 1 Corinthians 7:3-4

Being selfish is easy to do, it is our human nature. It is our natural response to focus on what we want or need. Unfortunately, selfishness can also be an intimacy killer. If your only goal in the bedroom is to fulfill your needs, that is not very alluring for the other person. Sex in marriage needs to be a place where both people are being satisfied.

We saved the most dangerous sex life killer for last. Using sex as a weapon is the quickest way to kill intimacy in your marriage. Sex is a gift, not a prize. Sex should never be withheld due to bad behavior, or as a prize for good behavior. In the sanctity of marriage, sex should never be conditional. It is a privilege we get to enjoy in marriage, not earn.