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To Have and to Hold

Motherhood, Marriage, and the Modern Dilemma

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To Have and to Hold

By: Molly Millwood
Narrated by: Molly Millwood
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About this listen

A clinical psychologist’s exploration of the modern dilemmas women face in the wake of new motherhood.

When Molly Millwood became a mother, she was fully prepared for what she would gain: an adorable baby boy; hard-won mothering skills; and a messy, chaotic, beautiful life. But what she did not expect was what she would lose: aspects of her identity, a baseline level of happiness, a general sense of well-being. And though she had the benefit of a supportive husband during this transition, she also at times resented the fact that the disruption to his life seemed to pale in comparison to hers.

As a clinical psychologist, Molly knew her experience was a normal response to a life-changing event. But without the advantage of such a perspective, many of the patients she treated in her private practice grappled with self-doubt, guilt, and fear and suffered the dual pain of not only the struggle to adjust, but also the overwhelming shame for struggling at all.

In To Have and to Hold, Molly explores the complex terrain of new motherhood, illuminating the ways it affects women psychologically, emotionally, physically, and professionally - as well as how it impacts their partnership. Along with the arrival of a bundle of joy come thorny issues such as self-worth, control, autonomy, and dependency. And for most new mothers, these issues are experienced within the context of an intimate relationship, adding another layer of tension, conflict, and confusion to an already challenging time.

As Molly examines the inextricable link between women’s well-being as new mothers and the well-being of their relationships, she offers guidance to help listeners reclaim their identities, overcome their guilt and shame, and repair their relationships. A blend of personal narrative, scientific research, and stories from Molly’s clinical practice, To Have and to Hold provides a much-needed lifeline to new mothers everywhere.

©2019 Molly Millwood (P)2019 HarperCollins Publishers
Marriage & Long-Term Partnerships Motherhood Psychology Teenagers Young Adult Mental Health Marriage
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Every thought you’d ever had about your life and marriage after motherhood

Recommend If you’ve been disillusioned by modern motherhood or your partnership is challenged by your children.

It’s a good reminder that the struggles are universal and not permanent.

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The best book I’ve read relating to motherhood

I’m so grateful to have found this book. The honesty in this book has brought me to tears multiple times and in the end whilst highlighting what flattens us in the modern world, there is hope and enlightenment. It has be a joy to listen to this audible

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What I needed

Saved me from my own mind... realising so many people had similar feelings despite different experiences was refreshing. I've cried a number of times through this sense of being seen as the writer has given me words for how I'm feeling has been a balm for my soul.

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A balm to my mothering soul

I loved hearing my thoughts about motherhood echoed.

It's a book full of hope.

Read it if you are struggling with the Modern dilemma.

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Beautifully insightful and compassionate

I wish every mother could read this book - or even every expectant mother. Both fascinating and helpful.

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Transformative.

This book should be read by every mother at every stage of motherhood. It provides an honest account of what women experience in the today’s dominant culture when they become mothers. Motherhood would be so much less vexing, if we all knew this!

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I related to so many things

I loved this book. It was relatable and clear and softly delivered. It’s been really helpful in some dark moments. Thank you.

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Just what I needed

This books is amazing, it made me feel that I’m not alone on this journey, and that my relationship with my partner isn’t different from other couples, it’s just the way it is, and hopefully will get through it. It taught me that things do change and get easier but right now we just have to enjoy the moment and make the most of it. I already recommended it to all my friends!! Amazing book!

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Every mother needs to read this

It's as if the author got inside my brain and wrote down everything I was thinking but struggled to articulate as a new mother. Enlightening, funny, sad and the most relatable book I've ever read. I've recommended it to all my female friends already! I also want Molly as my therapist;)

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A therapy session I didn't know I needed!

This book is smart, redemptive, and relatable. it was like sitting and having coffee with a wise old friend! Also, therapy, the good kind where you feel lighter after the session. This book has probably saved marriages, families, mothers, so thankful it was written and I gave it a listen; transformative!

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