The Art of Disagreeing Well cover art

The Art of Disagreeing Well

How Debate Teaches Us to Listen and Be Heard

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The Art of Disagreeing Well

By: Bo Seo
Narrated by: Bo Seo
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About this listen

‘Electrifying … A user manual for our polarized world’ Adam Grant, #1 New York Times-bestselling author of Think Again

How do you win an argument? How do you disagree without hard feelings? How do you debate in a way that moves the topic forward to an answer?

Arguments matter, because we have them every day. We do it with loved ones and at work, over which restaurant to go to and which social viewpoint is right or fair. We trust the people we elect to argue on our behalf. We trust the news to dissect the arguments different parties are proposing. We have a system of justice which trusts the better argument will win out.

Once, argument was taught and celebrated as a fundamental part of being a good citizen. But it isn’t anymore, and often we struggle to argue without furthering divisions, without hurt feelings or a useful progression of ideas at stake.

As a two-time world debate champion, Bo Seo has made a career out of arguing well. In this book, he provides the reader with an unforgettable toolkit to improve their own disagreements, so that the outcome of having an argument is better than not having it at all.

A thrilling adventure into the past and present of competitive debate, Good Arguments proves that good-faith disagreements can enrich our friendships, workplaces, and democracies — and in the process, our world.

Previously published as The Art of Disagreeing Well

©2022 Bo Seo (P)2022 HarperCollins Publishers Limited
Communication & Social Skills Literary History & Criticism Social Sciences
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Critic reviews

"At a time of polarisation and rage, we all need to learn how to disagree well—and this important, compelling and wise book should be at the heart of how we do so." (Johan Hari,Sunday Times bestselling author of Stolen Focus and Lost Connections)

What listeners say about The Art of Disagreeing Well

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  • Overall
    4 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars

Really good, however...

I thoroughly enjoyed this book. Seo has a great voice, has a great vocabulary and command of language (making him even more pleasant to listen to), and tells his own story extremely well and entertainingly.

Not only do we get his own story, but his research into other debaters of recent history or even his connections to other interesting people of our time to deepen his points are beautiful interlaced within the main narrative.

However, I felt the book lacks practically. Yes, he goes over how to debate and fundamental principles and his own learnings, however, I feel that his theory lacks examples to make my understanding of the theory more concrete. I would of liked a lot more sections in the book that say: "One key element of good rebuttal is X, for example, imagine your friend is telling you Y, as a good rebuttal you could say Z o A."

I believe he does do this once in the book, however, what I found hard is that his definition of good argument/rebuttal, etc, changes throughout the chapter and so he says something at the beginning of the chapter and then contradicts it's later on. So here I would have appreciated chapter summaries or a "key-takeaways" section.

In sum, a great book, really enjoyed it, however, honestly I don't feel now that much more confident at the moment of arguing/disagreeing with someone than when I started the book, which was my ultimate aim :( Might have to read it again to find the gems of wisdom.

oh and he says "however" like 1000 times xD maybe you picked up the joke in this review.

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  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars

Made me take it personal

This amazing book made me take a look to people’s and my own posture when debating. It was good to remember that debating in public is quite different than debating with family. Seo shows that in a smart way, exemplifying with his personal experiences. Also, made me pay attention in how I can disagree well, without implying a language that places the person as someone ignoring something they should know. With his huge knowledge and technical expertise, Seo helped me to really have a look at my own means to communicate. It is not self-help book, of course not, but also helps if you want improve the dynamics of you relationships.

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    5 out of 5 stars
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A distilled version of debate and how to think

this is a fantastic and moving recollection of a great debater. I highly recommend it

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Just my cup of tea

Bo Seo shared his journey of debate champion from childhood to his adulthood. This book is a recollection of his memories, experience and wisdom. Thus, it is very personal, however, it is also relatable to me as a gobal citizens who had shared this similar experience of constantly trying to find my footing in the new countries whenever I studied or work abroad.

I like the way various topics of debate is explained using story telling methods by the author. All the points he made were backed by his own life experiences and his observations. I felt as if I was watching a movie, where in a moment, I saw all his life stories unfolded between the read, followed by his deep thought and reflections. Soon later that moment was interspersed with another historical anecdote, mythical or fantany stories that he felt relatable.

Bo Seo shows us debate is not just a skill that is useful academically or in a competition but also centrepiece of our everyday life, a skill that we should hone for improving our relationship with ourselves, family and friends.

Personally, I find this is a book full of substance and I had reread it multiple times in different language, both English and Chinese.Thank you Bo Seo for writing this book! It had enriched and benefited me so much!

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Gracefully written, persuasively delivered.

A fabulously detailed retelling of the author’s journey from schoolchild to debating champion, this insightful and thought-provoking call-to-arms is a must-read (or listen) for those with open minds but hitherto closed mouths. Congratulations Bo Seo, you are an emerging luminary of our generation and I await your future ideas (form as much as content) with great anticipation.

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    3 out of 5 stars
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    2 out of 5 stars

Not what I was expected.

A biography book, rather than a technical one, as title promised. I have to admit, this surprised me and not in a pleasant way.

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    4 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars

Good, surprisingly personal.

It’s gives a good understanding of the mechanics of debate, and tells the story of Bo Soe’s journey. Opened my eyes to the rhythm of dialogue, discussion and debate. There is a nice chapter on how to handle bullies, which was very interesting. The author does use the word “however” a million and one times, something the editor should have picked up on… however … they didn’t. But I recommend this book.

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It’s a biography, not a guide

Although this book does contain some interesting insights, one has to pass through the biography of a person they have never heard of, and have no interest in, in order to reach them.

I made it about halfway before I had to give up out of sheer boredom.

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