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  • How to Be a Footballer

  • By: Peter Crouch
  • Narrated by: Peter Crouch
  • Length: 7 hrs and 36 mins
  • 4.7 out of 5 stars (3,066 ratings)

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Summary

Brought to you by Penguin. 

Ever wanted to know what it is really like being a Premiership footballer?

Here is the ultimate guide from the much loved everyman of English football, Peter Crouch.

Towering at six feet seven inches, Crouch is prized for his self-deprecating humour, having famously answered the question “what would you be if you weren’t a footballer?” with the one liner “a virgin”. At the same time, he has had an incredible career, from World Cups to Champions League finals. He has scored more headed goals than anyone else in Premiership history and has a better goals-to-minute on the pitch ratio for England than even Michael Owen. A humble professional with a great sense of humour, Crouch is one of the few players that is liked by fans of all clubs. Of course, this is probably because he’s played for most of them.

Now nearing the end of his stellar career, he shares everything he has learnt and tells it exactly like it is in How to be a Footballer, from the most colourful aspects of the game to what really happens on and off the pitch. Honest, candid and great company, this is not your standard footballer autobiography but a true insider’s guide to our favourite sport.

From a legend of English football, this is the most entertaining sports book of the year.

©2018 Peter Crouch (P)2018 Penguin Audio

Critic reviews

"The funniest man in British sport." (Metro

Audible Sessions with Peter Crouch

Meet the author of How to Be a Footballer
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What listeners say about How to Be a Footballer

Average customer ratings
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  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars

Fantastic

Great Audio book kept me listening and good narration by Peter Crouch would definitely recommend

4 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars

excellent stuff

A funny honest view from a seemingly genuine guy...even if you know nothing much about football it is a great take on modern life and celebrity

4 people found this helpful

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Best footy book I’ve read in ages

Really enjoyed this! It offers a different insight into the crazy footballing world and Crouchy is the perfect tour guide to take you on that adventure!

Well written, well read, just good fun!

Nice swan Crouchy laaaa

3 people found this helpful

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A great book about a world too bonkers to believe

Taking a step back you soon realise how legendary a footballer Peter Crouch is, and how wide spread his knowledge and experience in the game spans. So who better to walk us through a world so few of us will ever see first hand.

2 people found this helpful

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Outstanding!

The fact that Peter Crouch is your narrator only adds to this gem of a book. It's not done in diary form as a life story but in sections as inane as haircuts and clothing.
This only adds to its brilliance, literally laugh out loud funny. No bragging although not scared to admit that he's had his "big time" moments.
Definitely the type of big daft mate you'd love to go for a few beers with.
Entertaining throughout, it's as funny as a sports book gets. Please, please, please go into management because this is the natural successor to Ian Holloway.

2 people found this helpful

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Great listen and funny

Enjoyed the book and we’ll narrated by Peter, he made it enjoyable and funny, well worth your time and money

1 person found this helpful

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good structure, bad content

the structure is better than most football autobiographies, whoever thought of it deserves credit. aside from that, the book is pretty bad. the guy seems to think of himself as an intellectual footballer as he's aware of a handful of words with more than two syllables. it's also a pretty low bar and there are elements of the book that still harp on about toxic masculinity like it was delightful past time. to top it off, the narrator's voice is profoundly irritating.

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5 Stars

Great easy listen. Crouchy keeps it fun and lighthearted without losing what the book is about!

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Funny and informative

It was a funny book, I really liked the fact that he sounded like a normal person who was living the life of a footballer.

This book would be perfect for anyone who is a fan of football and wants to know about footballers lives.

I will be reading his next book!

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It's Crouchy...

Loved hearing his anecdotes and insights. Always prefer it when authors read their own books and never more so than with Crouchy!

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  • Anonymous User
  • 12-05-19

Fantastic Honesty

Great insight by a great bloke who really loves the game. Great for Saints !

1 person found this helpful