Branched cover art

Branched

A Comedy With Consequences

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Branched

By: Erin Mallon
Narrated by: Joe Arden, Lance Greenfield, Erin Mallon, Carly Robins
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About this listen

Ben is having a difficult week. After five whole years of “drinking from Mommy’s boobies”, he suddenly has to step aside for his new baby sister, Beatrice, who may or may not be human. Mommy says he has to “support her appearance no matter how humiliating it is for us as family”, but that’s hard to do when your sister has branches for arms and legs. Plus, he just found out that Daddy is having “the sex” with his new kindergarten teacher and he’s not sure how to tell Mommy. As a five-year-old entrepreneur, Ben prides himself on always staying cool under pressure, but this time...he may just burst.

Cast Size: Three Females, One Male, One Freaky Creation

©2016 Erin Mallon (P)2021 Erin Mallon Drama & Plays Entertainment & Performing Arts Literature & Fiction Comedy Theatre

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3.75 Stars I'm not sure entirely how to rate this or how to write this review. But this was weird. Not in a bad way. In a hilarious way. It made me smile and I had NO IDEA AT ALL how it was all going to play out. So if you're looking for something funny, wacky and a little bit...cracked. Then Branched might just be the play for you. I volunteered to listen to an ALC of this. All opinions are my own.

Unique was invented for stories like this.

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I was laughing out loud within the first two minutes. This play was so funny and the comedic timing of Erin Mallon, Lance Greenfield, Joe Arden and Carly Robins was effing fantastic. I loved Tamara's overly crunchy overly eccentric parenting style. Maybe because I have met people like that to some extent but I was hysterical and Erin performed it so seriously, I have no idea how she did it without laughing at every line. Joe Arden was incredible as Ben, truly, he maintained a child voice throughout that sounded so natural I forgot that it was an adult performing. Lance Greenfield stole this show for me though. His character is clearly struggling with his life choices, trying be a good dad, and balance the feelings he has for his wife and family with his desire to see if the "grass is greener". Carly Robins did a great job as the rambling school teacher/real estate agent, I both liked and disliked her throughout the play. I think that could be said of all the adults though. There wasn't one I was rooting for they were beautifully flawed.

Erin Mallon not only narrates the play but is the author/playwright. What I have learned as a consumer of her work is that she will bring me to tears with laughter but also with deep thought and difficult subjects. Some of the content of this play made me uncomfortable, in a way that felt intentional. The play is called Branched, and yet the character of Beatrice, the baby with branches for arms is not the focus of the play, or clearly explained during the play, however she clearly influences the actions of the characters. In one minute she is referenced as a unique child, and in the next an embarrassment to the family. She becomes the "elephant in the room", the focus of stares, awkward pauses and unfinished sentences.

What does it all mean, I'm not sure. I think all families have some form of disfunction and maybe Beatrice is the catalyst to this family realizing theirs? What I do know is this 80 minute play gave me a lot of laughter and emotions and some interesting things to ponder. I think this is a play that will sit with me a long time. I hope one day I am able to see it performed live (in an actual theater) because I think I would get even more out of this play with some of the stage direction and physical interaction between the characters.

I received an ALC of this play and voluntarily give my review

Hysterical and Unique Audio Play

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Ok so I'm a bit of an Erin Mallon fan as a writer of audio plays. I hadn't got around to listening to this yet but was reminded of it when looking at some of Erin's Instagram video chats yesterday.

She clearly wrote this with knowledge of the friends she got to act it with. Joe's 5 year old is hilarious. Lance Greenfield is terrific as the overpowered father. Carly Robins puts just the right pitch on the desperate fumbling young woman she plays.

Erin though, oh my goodness, I have met that woman ( well, obviously not that one as she is a exaggerated version). There might even be some small echoes of me when I was first a mother 25 years ago. I certainly recognise so much.

If you can take well written,tongue in cheek comedy, which pokes fun, not unkindly, at yummy mummyhood. Then this is a great listen.

Honourable mention to Zacchary Webber for the violin. He played it just badly enough to be believably Bennie.....

Great job all round.

Super Funny Romp into the Ridiculous

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Every single time I see or hear something from Erin Mallon, I think this is the time she’s not going to have my full attention. This is the time that she isn’t going to captivate me. Not because I don’t have faith in her, but because I’m a firm believer in not every book or play being for every person. The thing is, Erin has yet to let me down. Every time I listen to something she has created, I am blown away with her mind and skill.

Branched was quite the mind-trip. It was funny and thought-provoking, classic Erin, but it was also weird as hell. I have no idea where Erin comes up with these ideas. I listened to it once to take it in, a second time to pick up on all the subtleties I missed, and a third to just enjoy and bask in the awesomeness of talent. This is a must listen audio play that will have listeners scrunching up their faces, laughing out loud, and doing a double-take before leaving them wondering what the heck they just experienced. Five stars!


The cast was everything. Erin Mallon, Lance Greenfield, and Carly Robins were fantastic but Joe Arden stole the show with his performance of five-year-old, Ben. Each of them brought something special to the role they played and the interactions were just everything I needed.
Zachary Webber’s violin skills were showcased beautifully. Nick Long did an amazing job with the sound effects. If you’ve read any of my reviews or talked audiobooks with me at all, you’ll know that sound effects are not my thing, but Nick does such brilliant work that it didn’t overpower the dialogue. And Tyler Whitlatch worked his usual magic for a seamless production.

A brilliant audio play

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Listener received this title free

This has been just so much fun. It is witty, crazy and a huge dig at the determined, barrow vision of those who are so right on they have created a life which is completely unrecognisable to those with any sense 🤣 I absolutely loved it! Erin Mallon is chocabloc with talent. She is a skilled narrator and witty, clever writer with an ability to combine words in ways which leave me breathless with administration. The cast of narrators are superb, capturing the surreal tale with skill and humour...serious humour of course 🤣🤣🤣
💖💖💖💖💖💐💐

My face is hurting 🤣🤣

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Erin Mallon has opened me up to her world of plays. Are they at times super wacky and bizarre, making you question everything? Sure. But they always bring hilarity, and real world issues, grabbing your emotions the second you look deeper.
This is another one of those, and you'll find yourself laughing out loud and then stopping to think about the consequences, as in the title.
Great actors as always bringing this one to life!

Erin Mallon creates something you can't turn off!

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Laugh out loud funny. That is what this audio play is! Erin Mallon has introduced me to a whole new genre with her witty audio plays, and this one had me in stitches! It's a family of 4 and a kindergarten teacher with over the top personalities bringing out all their eccentricities. Mallon has captured the essence of each person and and given them traits we all can relate to, just not quite that excessive! This is a refreshing listen and a great way to start my day with a smile. If you want a fabulous listen, grab this!

Mallon chooses her narrators that fit the parts so well, you would swear they are real. These seasoned performers work so well together, bouncing the comedy back and forth and bring the story alive. I loved every one, and the bloopers are hysterical. Give me this cast anytime! Add in violin by Zachary Webber and it's a one click purchase for sure!

Laugh out loud enjoyment!

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Listener received this title free

That was so unexpected, and yet so incredible! In the end, everything sort of makes sense, though you’ll have to think about it a lot to get to a conclusion. Don’t worry, you WILL be thinking about it a lot.

As usual with the author, the play is a delicious mix of humor, drama, original situations and unforgettable characters. Here she tackles weird family dynamics, cheating, and child abuse. And yet you’ll laugh, and feel for the characters–even the deranged mother, because in the end, she only wants the best for her family, in her very weird way.

The narrators play their role perfectly, and the addition of noises gives another dimension. Close your eyes, and let the words sweep you away.

Let the words sweep you away

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