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Diddly Squat cover art

Diddly Squat

By: Jeremy Clarkson
Narrated by: Jeremy Clarkson
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Summary

Brought to you by Penguin.

Welcome to Jeremy's farm. It's an idyllic spot, offering picturesque views across the Cotswolds, bustling hedgerows, woodlands and natural springs. Jeremy always liked the idea of being a farmer. But, while he was barrelling around the world having more fun with cars than was entirely reasonable, it seemed obvious that the actual, you know, farming was much better left to someone else.

Then one day he decided he would do the farming himself.

After all, how hard could it be?

Well...

Faced with suffocating red tape, biblical weather, local objections, a global pandemic and his own frankly staggering ignorance of how to 'do farming', Jeremy soon realises that turning the farm around is going to take more than splashing out on a massive tractor.

Fortunately, there's help at hand from a large and (mostly) willing team, including girlfriend Lisa, Kaleb the tractor driver, cheerful Charlie, Ellen the shepherd and Gerald, his head of security and dry stone waller. Between them they enthusiastically cultivate crops, rear livestock and hens, keep bees, bottle spring water and open a farm shop. But profits remain elusive.

And yet, while the farm may be called Diddly Squat for good reason, Jeremy soon begins to understand that it's worth a whole lot more to him than pounds, shillings and pence....

©2021 Jeremy Clarkson (P)2021 Penguin Audio

Critic reviews

"The best thing Clarkson's done...it pains me to say this." (Guardian)

"Shockingly hopeful." (Independent)

"Even the most committed Clarkson haters will find him likeable here." (Telegraph)

What listeners say about Diddly Squat

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    3 out of 5 stars
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Disappointing. Nothing new and short. Very short.

Ok, so generally the book is fine - it's Jeremy Clarkson reading about his farm, so what's my issue..?
Well, if you've watched the series (and I'm sure you have which is why you're here), then there's simply nothing new to add that we haven't already seen. The book itself is just Jeremy reading out articles he wrote for The Sunday Times newspaper and it's SHORT, oh so short. And dont be deceived by those already miniscule two and a half hours that Audible are quoting... when you remove the naff country sound-affects at the beginning and end of each chapter, plus allow for the extremely forced slow narration from Jeremy (and he does sound like he's just reading it), I reckon you'd actually be lucky to achieve one and a half.
Disappointed, not just in what we have been given from the author, but also in what we've been lead to believe we'd get from Audible, who cleverly left out the duration during pre-order until the last minute, along with - even now - conveniently forgetting to mention in the blurb that this is just a collection of newspaper articles read out by the author.
Having thoroughly enjoyed Clarkson's Farm, the TV series, I was really excited for this release but sadly it's offered... well... diddly squat.

43 people found this helpful

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Half hearted cash in on hit TV farming show

I used to find Jeremy Clarkson's testosterone fueled petrol head shows more than a little bit annoying and would turn the TV over as soon as he came on. That was until several people recommended Clarkson's farming TV show which is imaginatively called Clarkson's Farm and, you know what, I really enjoyed it. Unlike the egotistical bigot that you would expect, Clarkson came over as self conscious and more than a little bit humble and the show was genuinely informative about the ways of the countryside and the challenges that farmers face. It was also very funny and, along with Clarkson himself featured some great characters such as land agent Cheerful Charlie and my favourite of all farm worker Kaleb Cooper who could easily have been a character in This Country and deserves a show of his own,

I have had this book on pre-order from the day it was announced using one of my precious Audible credits. Imagine how disappointed I was, therefore, when I found out that the book is only two and a half hours long (which is actually half that if you play it at 2 times speed to liven it up as it is read so slowly). And imagine my double disappointment when I found out that there is actually nothing new in this book at all but it is merely Clarkson reading out loud the weekly articles that he wrote for The Times and this is nothing more than a half hearted cash in. The book is called Diddly Squat after the farm which apparently earns no money. That is before the income from two series of the Amazon TV show and the royalties from this book which are, no doubt, not unsubstantial. Maybe I was right after all and Jeremy Clarkson really is annoying. Either way I wish I had saved my credit for something else. Daisy May Cooper's book, for example. Now that really does tell you all you need to know about life in the Cotswolds.

14 people found this helpful

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a must

one of the best I've listened to and even better that Clarkson read it himself

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  • Di
  • 14-11-21

Very entertaining!

If you’ve watched the Amazon series about Mr Clarkson’s farm you will really enjoy this. So pleased he narrated his own words, no one else could have put the amount of feeling behind those snapshots of farm like. Brilliant narration.
The madness of trying to make a farm pay is relentlessly driven home. More from the side of a normal operation that doesn’t have a media life to bridge the huge gaps. He has probably done more for the farming industry than anyone else. Certainly the National Farming Union think so.
The audiobook is laugh out loud funny. It really brings home what a good communicator Mr C is.

6 people found this helpful

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Fantastic!

Absolutely loved the book as much as the tv show! The man himself reading it really makes it. A brilliant insight into modern day farming

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hilarious!

loved every line. I laughed, it put me in good humour and it was also interesting and informative.

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What can I say but fantastic.

If you like Clarkson you will 100% love this. If your still thinking about it, then your not a Clarkson fan. Then on that case you need to buy this and you will be a Clarkson fan ;)

3 people found this helpful

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Well done Jeremy!

Jeremy has a knack for turning the commonplace into witty observations through his humorous view of life. I’ve been hoping that he would narrate one of his books for some time, and I hope he does more.

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typical clarkson

loads of belly laughs listening to this on my way to work, can't wait to sww what happens in year 2.

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Good but short

sorry jizza i enjoyed you reading me this,
but to be fair if you have seen the show save your credit.

1 person found this helpful

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  • Anonymous User
  • 19-12-22

Brilliant

Fantastic book, it’s interesting and funny, can’t really go wrong with Clarkson. Good read! Highly recommend.

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  • Zahed
  • 18-10-22

it is jeremey clarkson

Although I watched the show, I loved the book as well. Worth listening to.

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  • Norma Miles
  • 23-06-22

"40p per day."

This is a collection of articles written for the Sunday Times by Clarkson, some 20 in total plus an introduction and conclusion, and read by him with occasional side comments. Each is interspersed with sounds from the countryside making it very easy to select a quick 'episode' to fill a full moment. This book is a real joy, Clarkson both silly using and berating, well, everything all in the space of a few minutes.Titles include, 'What's Wrong With My Crops?', 'Why every Farmer Needs A Flamethrower', and 'Sheep are Vindictive. Even in Death'.

Loved it. More, please.

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  • M. Dickens
  • 30-11-21

Absolutely brilliant

If you like Jeremy Clarkson then you will love this. Absolute perfection. Jeremy narrated just like he does on TV. Amusing, educational and interesting. I was very disappointed when I came to the end.

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  • Anonymous User
  • 13-11-21

Absolutely bloody brilliant 👏🏻

Well done Jezza. Its great to hear you reading it to us. Can't wait for season 2 and the next book👍🏻